Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Not For The Faint Of Heart

I guess I feel like talking about me today. I have not been out to take any photos since it turned cold ... I discovered new pains that were not there last year ... and it making walking a really big problem. I hope I get used to it like I have with my ankle or it is going to be a really bad winter.

It has turned out to be another one of those un-productive days at work again because my work is Internet based and if the Internet is slow ... I am slow. It drives me crazy because I cannot reach the goal I want ... Which today is to get this huge pile of mail data entered and ready to pull for processing, and I do not see that happening ... and so far it has not.

I work as a Client Service Representative in the ROI field, and I like the work for the most part, It gets a bit repetitive sometimes ... but all in all it is not a bad job. I am just glad that it gives me something to do, because I would go out of my mind without it.

Before my accident in 2001( I dislocated my ankle from my leg bone, and fractured the fibula and the medial malleous). I used to work a full time job and a part time job just to keep myself busy and away from the miserable relationship I had myself in. I told myself being un-happy was better than being alone ... until I realized it was worse. I could at least deal with myself ... and that some days is a real challenge all it's own.

I spent 8 years in a relationship that really only lasted 4 years. He was slap happy and I could not deal with it. The first time ... I thought he was drunk and he really did not mean it. He did it again after he had already broken my arm and I realized ... It was time to end it. He was not happy about ending it so he would quit his job to make me keep him around. He took advantage of my kindness ... and finally one day I just snapped. He threatened to kill me ... and I just looked at him and said "Oh really ... Good Luck trying." Before he had time to react I had grabbed my car keys and ran out the door as fast as my ankle would let me, jumped in my car and left. (Thank god I always carried a pair on extra clothes in my car complete with back up shoes because I did not even grab any shoes).

I never should have let myself be in that situation in the first place. I saw it growing up and swore I would not live that way as an adult ... and I realized that night, I was doing the opposite of what I wanted to do. I knew I would not go back. I tried everything I could to get him to leave so I would not have to give up everything I worked for ... I even tried getting involved with someone else ... Which did not good. He just got drunk and beat the guy up for touching me. I decided the only way out was to give up everything I had worked for and just go.

I had meet someone else and he gave me that opportunity to just go. He said I could come stay with him until I could get back on my feet. Here is it 5 years later ... He is my husband. I am glad I meet him because he has shown me that life does not always have to be a bad thing ... and good things can come out of it ... if you really want them.

I am not always this open with complete strangers, but I decided that it was time to just be myself and let my reads know a little bit about me .. and what makes me who I am. I think I turned out okay ... I could be worse ... I could be that person I resent the most in life, but I am not and I am glad I am not. I hope I never turn out to be.

I have turned to photography as an outlet for all of the disasters that have taken place in my life and it seems to help me focus on the brighter side of things, and to help me grow with the things I learn about it ... I just hope I can get my mind to retain some of the things I have been reading about and learning about threw various sources ... a couple of my readers included!


Josh Jones said...

aww keep shooting!

Winnie said...

Thanks Josh ... That is the plan!