Saturday, January 3, 2009


Today will be my first blog of the new year ... and It is going to have nothing to do with photography because I think I am one of the saddest creatures on the planet today. I started the day on a good note, but my brother called me to finish the fight he started with me the day before because I hung up on him the day before.

I wish I could find a way to make him understand I am not like him ... I do not want to try to have a discussion with someone that is always calling me names or just flat out being an a-hole. I cannot handle his methods of discussion, and it bothers me that I cannot find a way to communicate with him that does not end up in a match that leaves me suffering from a serious anxiety attack.

We come from a very broken home. Our father was not the nicest person in the world, and our mother ... just was not there. She wanted to be I think, but she choose to live vs dying (Which was the choice my father offered). I am not sure if the 20 years that we did not see each other and were not involved in each others lives changed us, but it saved my life. I ended up in a foster home because of some very serious things, and he ended up with one of his aunts.

Anyways ... I called him to ask if he knew anyone that sold used auto parts because I needed I new tail light cover because while my car has been sitting in my driveway broken down ... some jerk hit it and broken the light cover and did not bother to say anything. I do not want to pay $150.00 dollars for one because the car is a 1992 and has quite a few miles on it.

This ended up in a big fight, and resulted in me telling him he was an a-hole and I hung up the phone on him. I guess I added fuel to his fire because he called back today. I guess I should have left my phone off.

I really hate fighting with anyone ... most of all family. I am a very sensitive soul, and I cannot take the things that some people call jokes too well. I used to be able to a long time ago, but I am a different person now. I tried to explain this to him as calmly as possible, and all he said was "I am the way I am and if you do not like it .. I really don't give a F, so you are going to have to learn to deal with it ... or not talk to me again." Well ... I can see what the out come of this is going to be. I am not going to talk to him again more than likely ... because he is not worth having a heart attack over.

Well ... I bet that was hard to even want to read. I just needed some where to go with this because I have no support system on this one, and I cannot leave it sitting inside because it has had me sick all day now, and I need to get out of the rut it set me into. Thanks for reading ... If you have any advise that might help save this relationship ... Please ... I am willing to listen and try it out! I just do not know what else to do. Telling him how I felt just made him madder.

No comments: